Thoughts on Personal Success

What Do You Want?

Originally posted on 26/04/2009 8:03:27 AM

Wishes and dreams - we all have them but what it really comes down to is do you know what you want? And if you do know; do you want whatever it is badly enough to allocate the resources to it, and keep your attention on it long enough to get it (set and achieve goals)? Obviously the first question is “do you know what you want”? I’m serious – do you know what you want?  If your first response is “of course”, then are you working towards being it/getting it/doing it (whatever “it” is)? If not, then do you really want it?  

I think we have trouble acknowledging what we really want, but that deep down, we do know; particularly if we listen. We all have a dialogue with ourselves and with those around us; and the clues are there - the statements I discussed in the previous posts. But I think that many of us have learned to censor what we want – to censor our wishes and dreams for a couple of different reasons. The first reason is something that is hard to ignore. When we want something, we immediately try to think of “how” we would do it/get it, and if we can’t immediately see how – we dismiss it and tell our self that we don't really want that. The second reason might be something that you aren't aware of - it is that insidious voice in your head that you may not even hear, but that gets in your way. Wanting change, wanting more, wanting anything somehow seems bad. Who hasn’t heard a teacher, parent, sibling, friend, or spouse say “what do you want now?” As if you wanting was a bad thing. Somehow we internalize that wanting leads to disappointment or that wanting is bad! So let’s get beyond that. 

To know what you want – you have to tune into your self. Andodea Judith in “Creating is Ecstasy” frames it this way. “Intention comes from the Latin: in(inward) + tender(to stretch). Thus, we stretch inward to determine what we want.” That’s such an incredibly cool way to think about it. Spend some time stretching inward and thinking about what you want without 'how' entering into it, and without feeling badly for wanting. Have some fun with it!

More on Wishes, Dreams, and Goals

As I said in the previous post, I think that the clues to what we want our life to be can be found in the phrases that we utter. Paying attention to that provides information that you can use to help you make goals. Wishes are things that you want to happen to you. Dreams are the big ideas of what you might want to do. Goals are the specific things you are going to do. That’s a big distinction. 

There was a part of me that wanted to dismiss wishes but wishes are great! Don’t stop wishing – in fact, write down your wishes. My list on “my50things” is what started me toward manifesting a longtime wish (almost a lifetime wish) – being in the building to see the Stanley Cup presented!!! Make your list of what you wish for, and update it constantly. Make it a game! But don’t expect your wishes to come true; you need to morph the wishes into something more specific and take action. I think this is where people have gone wrong with the Law of Attraction and The Secret – they think wishing is all they need to do. 

Dreams are more specific and tend to have more detail than wishes. Visualize your dreams and write those down. What do you want your life to look like – not just in one area, but all areas. I like James Arthur Ray’s FRIPS (Financial, Relationship, Intellectual, Physical, Spiritual).  Visualize your perfect day … what does your life look like? Who is in it? Where do you live? Where do you work? What do you do? Who do you work with?

I think that wishes and dreams can provide great clarity when you are thinking about what you want. By taking the pressure off and accepting that wishes and dreams have a place – you can explore possibility.  But then at some point you have to decide if you want to make them into reality. If you do, then you need to take action, and that’s where goals come in. Goals are what you are going to DO.  There is lots of information on goal setting - information on SMART goals. Information on the use of vision boards and other great tools!  Goals … that’s how my “wish” of seeing the Stanley Cup presented happened.  I took that wish and made it into a goal.  I got very Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely and it happened! 

Wishes, dreams and goals - use them all to achieve the life that you want.

 

 

Wishes, Dreams and Goals

  Original post 19/04/2009 9:11:51 PM

I wish, I could, I should, I would, I will …

 

I have been thinking a lot about dreams and goals. I like the way Rick Pitino has related the two. As he says “Dreams are where we want to end up. Goals are how we get there. Dreams are our vision of where we are after our struggle, the prize at the end of the journey. Goals are the individual steps we take to ultimately deserve the prize”. That has made sense to me ever since I first read it – you need dreams, otherwise your goals are too small – they are the product of your limited reality. But what about wishes? Should we just stop ‘wishing’? I finally came up with a framework on how the three fit together and how we can use wishes and dreams to avoid getting caught in the “reality” trap when we set goals that only work within the box of our current reality.  

 

Do you know what you want? I think the clues are in the thoughts or the phrases that we utter and the words that precede them. The words that precede what we want are usually one of “I could”, “I should”, “I wish”, “I would”, or “I will”. They all have a place but realizing what those phrases mean will help you identify what you want.

 

“I wish” is clear – wishes are something we play with. We want them to happen to us. They are somewhat passive. “I could” is something that is like a dream (I could become a…)  It is more than a wish; it is the exploration of  possibility.  

“I should” – that’s the bad one!!! Avoid at all costs … because if you “should” do it; it usually means someone else has decided it for you. Sometimes “shoulds” arise from things we do well but don’t like doing. Sometimes “shoulds” come from societal or familial expectations. Realizing the source of the “shoulds” can help you decide if they are “coulds” or just something that can be dismissed.  

“I will” is your action statement! That’s when you set the goals and then take the daily steps to achieving them. Doing that is what is going to change your life and get you to your dreams and even your wishes. 

Finally there is “I would”.  I think that the “I would” statements mean you have hit a block on your “I will”. And getting through those blocks is what separates the achievers from the rest. 

Start to take note of what you are saying or thinking, and then use that information to decide what you really want. 

My Thoughts on Personal Success

I started blogging on a blogging platform that was recently discontinued. I was able to save all the posts and I am uploading those posts here in the order that I wrote them. I had to decide whether to upload the posts as they were written, or to edit, and I have chosen to edit them slightly but not alter the original message. I now have three blogs here – "Books I Love", this one "Thoughts on Personal Success", and "Business Thoughts from Business Dreams".  You can access them from the links in the top left menu.