Thoughts on Personal Success

Resistance

Here we are - a week after I posted "Just Do It" and in that week did any of us DO any of the things that will move us towards our goals/towards what we want to achieve?  Did we do one thing each day? Did we do one thing?

Since we are all human, chances are we didn't. The overwhelming thing we all seem to have in common is that we fail to take action consistently or we fail to take the most appropriate action. Why? It is not because we are lazy, stupid, or any of the other things you call yourself at moments like this; it is because no one taught us how to overcome resistance.

I had never really thought about the concept of resistance until I read Steven Pressfield's amazing book "Do The Work". Steven defines resistance as "fear, self-doubt,  procrastination, distraction, perfectionism, etc." - whatever gets in the way of your getting things done.  Sound familiar?  Resistance comes up any time you try to make change in your life. Here's his list of activities that elicit resistance:

• any diet or health regime
• any program of spiritual advancement
• any activity whose aim is the acquisition of chiseled abdominal muscles
• the launching of any entrepreneurial venture
• the pursuit of any calling in writing, painting, music, film, dance, or any creative art
• education of every kind
• any act of political, moral or ethical courage including the decision to change for the better some unworthy pattern of thought or conduct in ourselves
• the undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help others
• any act that entails commitment of the heart
• the taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity

 As Steven summarizes it - any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health or integrity will elicit resistance. See it isn't just me, it isn't just you; everyone has resistance as part of their nature. 

So what do we do? I would strongly suggest you read Steven's book. It is a short, easy read that is literally an action guide on what to do. It is a manifesto in overcoming resistance and doing the work. Here are a few bits of advice from it that are short but brilliant.

1. Start before you are ready. Meaning - many of us think we have to do things first before we take action. For example, don't research something to death - just start.
2. Suspend all self-judgement. Get something done - no matter how imperfect. For example, don't re-write as you go; write and then edit.
3. The answer is always yes. That one is my favorite. By that he means that if an idea pops into your head and it resonates with you, do NOT talk yourself out of doing it. Take action!
4. And finally - the work in progress creates its own energy field. I know how that one feels - once you start taking action, and you see progress, then it is easier to keep going and going. 

If you are working on any of the items that Steven listed that create resistance, I would suggest that you take his advice and Do The Work! And as part of that work - read the book.

 

 

Do You Need to Set Goals?

Originally posted 12/08/2009

There are differing perspectives on the value of goal setting particularly the value of setting goals in every area of life. I agree for many reasons. If you are new to goal setting it can be overwhelming to sit down and look at every area of your life, and even more overwhelming to establish goals and action plans in several areas. It is also true in cases where you are satisfied with your life in most areas so you don't see the need for goals. If goal setting doesn't resonate with you for whatever reason - here is a perspective that might. Even if you are in the habit of setting goals, this perspective might change your life. 

 During Alan Webber's Authors at Google talk about his book "Rules of Thumb - 52 Truths for Winning at Business Without Losing Yourself"  he said something very profound about his approach to goal setting which is less about goals and more about who he wants to be. He said that he believes that failure isn't failing - the only real failure is the failure to try. He asks himself "how will I feel about not having done ..." when he is thinking about opportunity. He also says that he knows what he doesn't want to say about himself in 10 years. 

Think about that. Is there something "big" that you would like to pursue? Do you have a "calling” that beckons you? Do you want to write a book? Pursue the acting career you gave up when you took the safe route in university? Have you been "sort of" trying to build a career, but really you have been avoiding giving it your all? Do you have an opportunity for a new career? Do you have the opportunity for a new business? Do you want to change jobs entirely? Is there something big that would change your life forever like losing 50 pounds? Do you want to run a marathon just so you can say you have? Do you want to move to a different part of the country? Do you want to make your family a priority in a way that you have never done before?

Whatever that ‘big’ thing is, think about it in the context of what Alan said. Ask yourself the question "how will I feel about not having done ..."? Can you live with saying "I didn't pursue <insert your dream here> because ...". If the answer is a sinking feel in your stomach, then you know that you really DO want to go after that dream and you need to take action because you know who you don’t want to be in 10 years.

I like Alan's approach. “What do you NOT want to say about yourself? The only failure is the failure to go after what you really want”.  That strips away all of the things that get in the way of real change.  

Rocks and Responsibility

In my “Books I Love” blog I discussed Jack Canfield’s Principle #1 from The Success Principles which is “Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life”. It is a tough concept to grasp but I believe it is essential – you and only you, are responsible for how your life is going. Before you start with the inevitable ‘yes, but …’ where you explain that your circumstances are different, I will say that they aren’t. I agree, you don’t control the events in your life, but as Jack points out, you control your response to those events, and thus you control the outcome. If you don’t like your life then you need to change. Part of that is changing where you are focusing your attention. Think about it as needing to ensure that you are matching what you say is important with the attention that gets in your life.

There is a great story that I’ve heard a number of times that illustrates this point beautifully. A professor stands in front of a class with a large jar. He fills the jar with rocks and asks if it is full. The class answers “yes” because of course, it is full of rocks. He starts adding pebbles and as he places them into the jar, with a little shaking they fit in around the rocks.  And he continues until the jar is “full” of rocks and pebbles.  And again, asks the class if it is full. Some answer “yes” and some are not sure. He then starts adding sand, and of course, is able to fit in a large amount of sand. And again asks the question if the jar is full. By then the class knows that the answer is “no”.  Then he adds some water.  (By the way, don’t jump to the conclusion that the moral of the story is that there is always room to add things to your life!!!)  The moral of this story is that the jar represents your time and your attention. If you don’t put the rocks in first and then put in the pebbles (if you don’t focus on what is really important to you); then your days and your life get eaten away by the sand and the water. If you don’t pay attention and take responsibility, then you look up one day and realize that your life is not what you wanted. You will want someone to blame but you are the one who chooses how to fill your jar each day. 

Take a moment to identify your rocks and then make sure that you make space for those rocks in your life. Take responsibility to create your life! 

P.S.  I’ve paraphrased the story about the rocks – if you would like to read it as I first heard it, this is one version.