Business Dreams Consulting

Welcome to My Blog

Hi - thanks for dropping by my blog. I am in the process of completely re-doing everything, so bear with me as I update and re-publish. There are now three different blogs linked to this main blog - "Books I Love", "Personal Success", and "Thoughts on Business". You can see the links to them above and slightly to the left. Eventually all of the old posts (including the ones from a different blog platform that is now discontinued) will be published in one of those blogs. I find that I am re-writing the older material because I found that it just wasn't written in my current style. That's why this is taking so long.

Thanks!

Take Time To Listen To Yourself

In late December, someone tweeted a question to their followers asking if there was one thing that they had done in 2011 that they would recommend as beneficial to others. I immediately knew what the answer was for me – going ‘into silence’.  I didn’t write about it then, but the topic of taking time to reflect has come up a few times this week.  One of my friends referred to needing a ‘brain cleanse’, which is a great phrase. So for him, and anyone who might read this, here is my take on what I did, and why I think it would help you.

We are in a very connected world – connected to our devices and through them to work, friends, and family. We are in a very ‘distraction ready’ world with TV channels, movies, and video games; not to mention email, text messages, and the internet.  While there is nothing wrong with any of this (I have a Twitter addiction), what is wrong is being so connected to others that you lose sight of what you want out of your life. Being alone and silent (not talking to anyone), and disconnecting completely for a period of time can allow you to relax and reflect. It allows you to tune into your thoughts and discover what you really want. In other words, literally hear yourself.

Why? Because of connectedness, distractions and the choices we make around those, we tend to lose sight of why we do things. Many times we get caught up in living a life script of someone else’s making (‘you should …’), or we are striving towards goals that we have set because we think we should (better job, more money, etc.), or just goals that we set during another time in life that no longer fit us. Through our busyness we often lose sight of how awesome our lives are, and we focus on what we don’t have.

Because I am extremely comfortable being alone and silent, and I force myself to ignore the internet for hours, I needed a lot more time than people would if they never disconnect. I did 36 hours but if you are too busy for that; don’t worry. Take three or four hours, or half a day, or a day.

What to do is easy.  Find a place where you are comfortable but without distraction. If you choose to stay at home (as I did) shut down the computer, turn off your phones, and hide the smart phone. Do not turn on the TV, radio, or music. Do not distract yourself by cleaning. Don’t nap. Don’t cook or bake. (Obviously if you are doing this for several hours you can sleep and prepare food to eat as needed).

Meditate if you want (I did). Go run or walk if you want (I did) – but leave the ipod off. The purpose of this is to take time to just listen to your thoughts. It takes a while to get past the usual repetitive thoughts, which is why I recommend hours of time. Journal if you are comfortable doing that. If you are doing this for a short time, I recommend not distracting yourself by reading. If you are doing a longer time –reading is fine. If you are going to do this for a long period, let key people know what you are doing so that someone can connect with you if needed. Establish how they would do that.

There are many retreat centers that have programs, or ones that will structure a program for you. I had looked into going to one, but nothing really resonated with me (not to mention I hate taking direction from others), so I created my own. If you’d like a list of places to look – leave a comment and I will provide some ideas. If you are a little lost about what to do, and would like a list of questions that you can ask yourself and journal the answers to – leave a comment and I will write a post with some suggestions.

Put Those Words Into Action

On Monday, Canadian politician Jack Layton passed away and his political party shared his last letter to Canadians. Many people shared that message via Facebook and Twitter. In particular what they quoted was the end of the letter  "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world".

Whether you agreed with Jack's politics or not, that series of sentences is a very powerful message and is worthy of not just discussion, but action. If you posted it somewhere or commented on it, you obviously agree that it is important. My question to you is 'how are you going to embody that message in your life?' If you truly believe that message and if you felt strongly enough to post it, or you just nodded when you read it; then I am calling you to action. Live those words starting now. If you happen to have been a fan of Jack's - what better tribute could you make to him?

If you don't know what I mean, Jack is inviting you to live from love, hope and optimism not anger, fear and despair. If you think you already embody those qualities all the time - fabulous. But I urge you to think about how you choose to communicate, and how you choose to live. 

Overall, our speech has become filled with negative emotion. A simple example. You return from a two week vacation and someone asks you how your vacation was. If your response is 'not long enough' - that's a complaint. That is negative. If you said "it was great - I can't wait to go back again and explore more" - that's positive! If you complain, if you blame, if you use the word 'hate'; you are not living from love and hope. If you complain without offering an alternative or working to change what you complained out, you are not living from optimism.  Living from love, hope and optimism means choosing to live life from a half full perspective, and it means actively working to make the world a better place (in big or small ways). It means choosing to live from acceptance instead of judgment. 

If you know me, you know I was not a fan of Jack's so you are probably wondering why I am so passionate about his words. I am passionate because I believe that we need to learn to live from a different perspective - one of gratitude for all we have, instead of constantly complaining about our first world problems. A perspective of accepting that people have the right to a different viewpoint (if you got angry because I said I was not a fan of Jack's - I rest my case). A society in which individuals offer concrete solutions and actions instead of complaining about what 'they' 'should' do.

Negativity is destroying our lives, our economy, and our planet. It is time, as Jack said, to change the world.

What I Wish More People Knew About Me

Earlier this week, the amazing Amber Naslund (@Ambercadabra - my vote for the best Twitter name) posted a blog with this same title. Her post referenced a conversation she had about social media creating a superficial vantage point and how we think we know other people simply from reading blogs, tweets, and status updates. Partly in response to that and for other reasons, she wrote about who she really is. At the end of that post she invited everyone to do the same - write about what we wish people knew about us. I am taking her up on that even though I admit that I only present a portion of myself online. You may want to read her blog post first to understand the inspiration for what follows, but you don't have to (it is linked up there in the first sentence). 

Before we get into what I wish you knew about me - some context on why Amber's post resonated with me. Several years ago I went from being a long time casual friend to a group of people to working with them. When we started working together, I made the point that knowing someone casually for years gives you a one dimensional view of that person, and when your relationship shifts (in this case from social to business), it is important to not assume that you know about the other people but to to ask/clarify. The social media lense can give that similar one dimensional view of our 'friends'. In my case I take responsibility for keeping a large part of me private. But I am following Amber's example and here are some things that I want more people to know about me.  Warning ... long blog post ahead.

Since Amber is going to link to this blog post, I will take a moment to introduce myself. I am a professional accountant (CMA if you know or care about the differences). I have been described as an 'abnormal accountant' - probably because of my diverse interests and the fact that I care about business more than the technical aspects of accounting. Business Dreams Consulting is the name of the business I ran for 5 years when I was self-employed. This blog and the three that link to it,  are a work in progress. I was using another blog platform that was discontinued and I am slowly re-posting those. My three other blogs (see links above) reflect some of the things I am passionate about books, creating personal success, and business musings. If you happen to visit them - just remember they aren't as organized as I would like but they are coming along!

Which is a good place to start with what you need to know about me (in no particular order). 

I am a perfectionist and I suffer from ODSR (overly developed sense of responsibility - label invented by my friend Heather). When you combine those traits you get the intensity that I bring to my professional, volunteer, and personal life. I am reliable in the extreme and I know that is not news to anyone who knows me. I take commitments and deadlines seriously. If I say I will do it - I will. If I say I will be there - I will. If I say I will call - I will. If I take it on - I do it to the best of my ability. What people don't know is that I still haven't fully realized how unusual that makes me. I still get very frustrated with the way most of the world operates.

I like to be alone more than I like to be with people. I laugh when people tell me they need alone time too. Yes, that is what I mean but I need more than a few hours of alone time every day in order to survive. It seems hard to believe, but it is a tendency that is becoming more and more pronounced as I get older. Being with people, even my friends, wears me out. I get sick if I don't have my alone time which is simply my body creating what I need. My joke is that I am a failed loner because I do have a lot of friends and I care about them, I just can't spend too much time with them. I admit that I love the parts of my professional life that are non- traditional accounting roles such as delivering training and facilitating meetings. I like being 'on' and the sense of performing. Similarly I do very well at networking because that too is a performance. I need to re-charge after those things just as I do if I spend time with people in other ways. To apply a label to that I am a Meyers Briggs INTJ. I don't like the word 'Judging" (love Mastermind though) but I have done that test a few times over the past several years and it always comes up the same. The description resonates with me.

I can be alone in the midst of people which is probably why I love to go to music festivals like SXSW. I can hang out and listen to music, and I can go to the seminars on topics that have no apparent relevance to my life. Because ...

I love to learn. I love information. I love seminars and I read a lot. Some fiction (Lee Child, Harlan Coben, Faye Kellerman, Jonathan Kellerman, Kathy Reichs, Nora Roberts, Linda Fairstein) but mostly non-fiction. Books and blogs on personal success, business, social media, positive psychology, marketing, soul lessons, minimalism, and health. From that you can see that I have strange and diverse interests. I dabble in courses but intensely. For example, I took several years of intuitive development. I really hope that at some point, like Steve Jobs, I will be able to connect the dots looking backward. I hope that I will finally understand why I spend so much of my 'free' time reading and writing about these topics. It is my hope that they will all have converged to make a great next career for me.

The ability to listen is a skill that I consciously work on developing.  Listening is not waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you can start - it is a skill. As I practice listening and the inevitable focusing on the other person that comes with that - I have realized that people think that I am their friend and that I like them - even when it is not true. I also have a really great memory and I effortlessly remember the details of people's lives. So not only do I listen, I remember names, places, and to ask them about what we talked about the last time we met. We must be 'close friends' ... um ... not really. (And to my real friends - you know I don't mean you!).

My other passions are the environment, the 2012 Shift, and making the world a better place. Those are my lesser known passions because they are a bit "out there". They are all linked. The 2012 Shift and the environment are linked because we need to change how we live so that we survive. I am a non-evangelical environmentalist. I believe that we all need to educate ourselves and to do what we can to stop killing our planet. Non-evangelical because I don't believe that I have the right to tell you what to do until I have done everything I can. Nothing makes me crazier than the hypocrisy  of people who want ‘them’ (government and big corporations) to deal with environmental issues but won’t deal with what they can. Change comes one person at a time and while there is a role for the big; what each of us do every day is more important and impactful. I seldom say anything though ... that's where I really edit who I am.

I also believe that our current culture of negativity (blame, complain, justify, and "take") is impacting not just personal happiness but it is impacting our world. Yes, I believe that is where the extreme weather is coming from. We need to wake up and realize how lucky we are and lose the attitude of entitlement that pervades.

I admire people like Roz Savage - she is passionate about the environment and she has figured out a way to channel that passion and make a difference. There is no way I would ever ocean row though ... too into comfort. Which brings me to ...

I prefer to spend my money on a nice place to live every day than to spend it on vacations. It is a deliberate choice. I love where I live now!

I don't really know how to end this post other than to thank Amber for the inspiration. I have enjoyed reading the other responses.

I Know You And I Know That ...

Does this happen to you?  Someone says to you "I know you and I know that ..." and they finish the sentence telling you what they know that you enjoy; what they know that you are good at; what they know...  And you find yourself thinking "you think that I ..."? 

It has happened to me a lot lately. And not once has the person been remotely right about what they 'know' about me. And that has led me to believe that we really don't know people at all; we know a part and we make it into the whole. We are caricatures in each others lives. Perhaps bearing that in mind might be wise?  

Perhaps though, it is also true of our self-knowledge. How often do we examine who we really are now versus who we were? How often do we ask ourselves what we enjoy? How often do we examine our beliefs to see if they serve us? How often do we check to see if our goals suit us, or are they merely things we think we should do?  Can I really say "I Know Me and I Know That ..." and be right?  I know that I am getting closer to that, but I also know that it is a continuous journey.   

NOW!

There is a theme today in the blog world called "The Last Blog Post".  The premise is based on Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture.  So here is what I would say in my last blog post.

People were meant to live in harmony with their purpose.  If we act in ways that are not in harmony with who we really are - we make ourselves unhappy (credit to gaping void for that thought).  We make ourselves deeply unhappy in a way that manifests in bad health, weight issues, addictions, depression, or other things. You know if you aren't living the life you want to live.  And I mean WANT in the deep down way, not the "I wish" way.  So if you are one of the people who knows that you want something different from life, I suggest that now, today, is the perfect place to start. 

I just re-posted something I wrote in 2009 called Two Powerful Questions.  I suggest you ask yourself those questions.  If you don't like the you that you see in five years; then start to live in a way that will give you the result you want to see.  To do that, you need to change what you do each day.  You don't need to do anything grand other than decide what step you are taking tomorrow and then take that step.  And then tomorrow night you need to decide what you will do the next day, and then do it.  When I say "decide" I mean decide.  What are you going to do tomorrow? When are you going to do it? How long will it take? Is it in your calendar? That is how you change.  You don't need to quit your job.  You don't need to win the lottery.  You don't need to wait until ... you just need to do. 

It is time to drop the excuses. Because right now I can hear the excuses.  You have many of them and they are based on what has happened to you in your life.  I suggest to you that whatever has happened in your life: the successes; the failures; the obstacles; every damn thing, has prepared you to live your life of purpose.  You couldn't be more suited to be the you were meant to be, because no one else is you. You have a purpose. Your know that. Start living it. Today. 

The end. The last blog post. 

Two Powerful Questions

This is a blog post that I wrote on another platform - a platform that no longer exists.  So I am slowly re-creating those posts.  This was originally posted on 31/07/2009

Glen Allsopp was the guest blogger on one of my favorite blogs today (http://zenhabits.net/).  His post entitled “Two Questions To Help You Gain Perspective” was brilliant.  You can see the entire post by clicking the link, but I would like to add my thoughts to his two questions.  If you answer these questions honestly, you will learn a lot about your destiny.  "It is in moments of decision that your destiny is shaped". 

 

Question 1: If someone had a video tape of your typical day, what would they see?

And as he says, he is not asking about bad habits or about a silly argument you might have had today, but about what you do on a typical day.  Does your typical day include the activities that will move you toward the life of your dreams?  Are you taking steps each day that will help you achieve your goals?  Do you even have goals for your life?  He also includes one of my favorite quotes. 

“How you choose to live each day is, of course, how you choose to live your life”

And then it gets interesting. 

Question 2: Based on your current actions and behaviours, where would you expect to be in five years?

As he says, this isn’t asking where you would like to be; this is asking you what you are currently doing and then projecting where you would expect to be.  He is not asking you to think about your wishes, he is asking you to assess where your daily activities are taking you.  Really – where are they taking you?  And he included this quote:

“You can’t escape the consequences of your actions” - Steve Pavlina

Or as the Buddha says,

If you want to know your past life, look into your present condition; if you want to know your future life, look at your present actions.  

 

Glen has give us all a brilliantly simple way of assessing our lives.  If your life is perfect in every way, and you have the life of balance of your dreams, then your actions each day are keeping you there, and you probably don’t need to make any adjustments.  For the rest of us – a simple, yet very effective way to see where we are going to be.  And if we don’t like the answer to Question 2; if it isn’t where we want to be in five years; then all we have to do is change what we are doing each day.  Simple … but not easy!!!

Creating Time

Another new year has arrived and whether you make resolutions or not, you are probably reviewing last year or perhaps looking ahead to 2011 and making plans.  Before you start adding things to your schedule, I think you should consider the importance of creating time.  Time for yourself, time to work on the projects that will change your life, time for your family; in other words, time for whatever is really important to you.  Ensuring that you have adequate time for those things may seem self-evident, but oneof the common themes that I hear in conversation and see on Facebook is that many people feel that they are too busy.  People complain about needing time; they complain about being tired, and then they end up sick because they are so busy that they get run down. It's true - everyone is busy, but I think there is a way to stop that. Like everything else, it starts with getting clear on what you want your life to look like because really, you are in charge of how you spend your time. "How you spend your days adds up to how you spend your life". 

I am going to describe what I did, and while this addresses my 'problem' of saying yes too often; this may work equally well for you when you considering opportunities for yourself or your children that will add to your schedule.  My problem is not unique; I used to say “yes” too often.  Mostly to friends who were asking me to help them with or do … (insert name here), and I ended up with my time being sucked away by many things that I ‘could’ do, but that were not really in line with what I wanted for my life. 

I changed in two phases.  First, I trained myself to say – “I haven’t synced my calendar so I am not sure I know I am free at that time. Can I get back to you?”  Then before I responded, I forced myself to answer a series of questions about the request.  In the past I think the only question I had asked myself was 'am I free at that time', but I had read this quote somewhere “the quality of your life is determined by the questions you ask yourself” (I can’t remember where I read that), and that quote resonated with me.  Last year at this time I wrote down questions that related to my immediate goals and overall vision for my life.  They are on a large post-it note by my computer.  When I am faced with a decision that will use my time, I have four questions that I ask.  If I answer 'yes' to one of the questions, then I can consider saying yes to the opportunity.  It doesn't mean it is a 'yes' - it just means it is worthy of consideration.  If it isn't yes to any of them - I say no. 

Then I moved into phase two where I didn’t need to use the excuse of syncing the calendar.  Two things happened to move me into this phase.  I had read Derek Sivers post "No More Yes. Hell Yeah or No" and I had gotten used to applying the questions.  Now when presented with an opportunity that will use my time; I check my immediate response “hell yeah or no” and mentally run through my questions.  It only takes a moment.  As a result, I have much more free time to do the things I am passionate about, and the things that move me towards my goals and long term vision of my life.  Please note, there are some times when things are not Hell Yeah but they will move me towards my goals so asking the questions remains important.  For example, I might not want to commit to a fitness class once a week (not a Hell Yeah) but if I want to achieve my fitness goal, then I need to make that commitment. 

The next time someone asks you to do something or you are considering signing your child up for another activity ... take a moment and see how it contributes to you life.  "There is more to life than increasing its speed"  (Gandhi)

The Danger of Capacity

I am a huge fan of the TV show NCIS: LosAngeles.  There is a line in an episode from season one that has stuck with me for several weeks.  I literally think about it every day.  I have shared it with a few people and it resonated with them too - so I think there is something there for us to ponder. 

The line was Hetty's and she said "I was never cut out for this; I merely had the capacity".  That line captures in a few words what many people struggle with every day.  There is a great danger in having the capacity to do without thinking about fulfillment.  If you have the capacity to do, you get caught in the trap of thinking that perhaps this is something you 'should' do.  And you might end up in a career that you perform well in, but that is not fulfilling to you.  In fact, having the capacity to do something does not mean you should do it.  You should do it only if it brings you fulfillment.  This applies to careers, volunteer work, and if fact all of life itself. 

So if the test is not just capacity; what is the test?  I'd say that the test is capacity (can you do it?) along with the test of how you feel before, during, and after.  If the job/volunteer work is something you look forward to doing; then that's a good sign.  When you are at work/at the volunteer opportunity and if time flies - that's a good sign.  After work/after the volunteer activity if you feel fulfilled; if you feel tired but not drained then those are good signs.  If you dread it before, time drags during, and you are drained after - these are not good signs. 

As you go forward into 2011 and think about your life (most of us do at this time of year); I urge you to avoid the lure of capacity and instead to think in terms of capacity along with fulfillment.  "Just because I can, doesn't mean I should".

Let It Begin With Me

There's a song that has been playing in my head for a few months now - a song that has a line that I feel sums up the way that I want to approach life. That song "Let There Be Peace on Earth".  The line that I resolve to live is "Let it Begin With Me". If I want a different world; then I need to make it different. 

If I want a better environment; then I need to live that. I need to do more of what I have been doing - I use my car very little and want to cut that out even more. I have made a conscious decision to fly less; so I vacation at home. I have never used my dryer much - prefer to make my home more humid by air drying clothes - but I resolve to do that even more. And I need to think of more ways to make a difference. 

If I believe that our spending on health care is getting dangerously out of control; then I need to ensure that I don't place demands on the health system. I need to take care of my own health which means eating well, getting enough rest, and exercising. 

Most importantly, if I want a world that is more peaceful, safe and loving; then I need to ensure that I am carrying a positive attitude each day. Just as negativity breeds negativity so does a positive attitude breed more of the same. I look for the positive. I smile more. Each time I find myself getting irritated or thinking 'they should ...' I stop myself and ask what I can do about the situation. If there is nothing I can do; then I dismiss the thought because getting irritated and complaining doesn't create a better world. If there is something I can do; then I resolve to do that.   

I could go on with more examples but I think the point is clear.  None of the above has a cost except a conscious effort to do as Gandhi says "we must be the change we want to see in the world".  That is the way I resolve to live my life.  Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. 

 

Why Is Why So Important?

Why?  Why?  Why? 

Ever spent time with a young child?  Why seems to be the only question they ask!   They ask it over and over, and even though it might seem that they do it simply to drive adults crazy; that itsn't it.  They ask "why" to discover how their world works.  If you google the question "why do kids ask why" you get a response that says that it helps them feel more in control of their life and it fosters independence. 

I think that we forget to ask why as we get older.  We get so caught up in the day to day details of life and get so busy 'doing', that we forget to ask ourself why we do what we do.  "Why" is the most important question you can ask yourself; particularly if you ask it with the right intent.  Ask why with the intent of learning about yourself.  The purpose is not to beat yourself up ("why did you do that - you are so stupid") but to help you gain control of your life or to simply understand yourself better.  "Why do I feel like I have no time to myself".  "Why am I constantly complaining about ...".  "Why am I saying yes to that when I don't want to do it".

Explore your life with the curiousity of a child.  Ask why, and don't stop at the first, easy surface answer.   Ask it again and again.  We often question why others do things; but how often do you ask yourself why you do something?  Why you believe something?  Why ...

Why is why so important?  Because it might be the key question that helps you change your life.  If it helps kids feel more in control of their life; perhaps it can do the same for you.